I’ve been seeing a guy and we’ve already been intimate. He asked me to get an STI screening so we could move forward together. I got the results today, and everything was clear except for HSV-1. I’ve only ever slept with two people. The first was my ex—we split in 2023, and I hadn’t been with anyone for two years before this current guy. My ex was a virgin when we started dating.
I’m worried he’ll stop seeing me once he finds out I have HSV-1. I don’t have any symptoms, and the nurse mentioned that roughly 80% of the population carries the virus.
The nurse is correct. About 80% of people have HSV-1, which is the strain that causes cold sores. Most individuals don’t even realize they’re carriers; many contract it as infants or young children. It’s so prevalent that many people don’t even mention it, they just make sure to avoid contact when they have an active sore.
You have to tell him. That’s the entire reason for getting an STI screening—so you both have all the information.
You absolutely should tell him. If you’re concerned about his reaction now, imagine how he’d feel if he caught it from you because you weren’t honest from the start? It’s really not that big of a deal and you can take safety measures, but he deserves to know so he can make his own choice.
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You could have gotten HSV-1 from a relative kissing you when you were a baby. I’m actually surprised it was included in the test, as most standard STI panels don’t screen for it. The right thing to do is disclose it; since it’s so common, there’s a 50/50 chance he already has it anyway.
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Be honest with him. If he walks away, then it just wasn’t meant to be.
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A standard STI panel usually checks for HIV, Syphilis, Chlamydia, etc., but not HSV-1. Did you already know you had it, or are you worried about taking the test because you think it will show up?
Yes, be upfront. It’s not a major issue for most, but it’s his choice to make. If you kept it from him and he found out later that you knew, he’d likely be very upset.
I have HSV-1 as well, and if you’re posting this, you already know what the right move is. You seem like a good person because you’re actually weighing the ethics of this—most people don’t even bother. Be proud of that. I completely understand your feelings because I found out in a similar way. I always tell people because I don’t like keeping secrets. There’s a lot of ignorance and fear-mongering around herpes, so rejection is possible and it hurts. But you’ll also find people who don’t care at all. The first year after finding out is the hardest because of the shame, but it does get better.
Absolutely. He needs the facts so he can make an informed decision about the relationship. Wouldn’t you want the same courtesy?
So you’re asking if you should tell the person who specifically asked for an STI test that you have an STI? Yes.
It’s actually much higher than 80%.
Yes, you have to tell him. It’s incredibly selfish to knowingly expose someone to a lifelong virus without giving them the choice to avoid it. I don’t care how common it is; while many get it through non-sexual contact and have few symptoms, others suffer from painful outbreaks for life. If he stops talking to you, that’s his right. Taking that choice away from him is wrong. He might already have it or might not mind, but stripping away someone’s agency is awful. You’re asking here because you have a conscience, so do the right thing, get past the embarrassment, and talk to him. Be the person you want to be.